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Since we are in hiatus season, I thought I’d tell you my favorite wrap party story. I have to preface this by saying that, when working in TV, bouncing around from show to show, you tend to run into a lot of the same people – in the production office, on set, etc. Which isn’t too big a deal… unless some of those familiar faces are people you’ve had flings with. And, let’s face it, flings on the sets of shows (literally) are pretty common… right?
A few years back, I worked with a really cool guy (we’ll call him Bryan). He was cool, confident but not too cocky, cute but didn’t realize how cute… He was just overall fun. The kind of guy you can’t help but like – and have instant chemistry with. And I saw him all the time (which was not a problem, believe you me), whether I wanted to or not. You know how it is: you spend all day (and night) together, you see each other at your best (and worst), you “get” each other’s inane lifestyles and work schedules… There was only one problem: he had a girlfriend. So we were just friends. I even hung out with he and his girlfriend sometimes, when a group of us would all go drink after work. And I’d always feel bad at how flirty Bryan would be toward me in front of her; if he were my boyfriend, I remember thinking, that would never fly. (Remember this for later.) Finally, on our last day of work, Bryan comes in and says he and the girlfriend broke up. Sure, I was sad for him, but… Let’s just say our last late-night photocopy session soon turned into a late-night make-out one – an actor’s dressing room one minute, a living room couch on set the next. We did a little make-out tour of the studio, daring ourselves to get caught in each location. But we never did. It was great fun and made that last day a whole lot more fun… and the fun continued into the wrap party that night. Though we were glued to one another all night, I never had sex with him; I was willing to be his rebound only so much. A few days later, Bryan and his girlfriend got back together. It was quite sad. It’s amazing how much fun you can have with someone in such a short amount of time and then they’re suddenly gone. But I understood… We lost touch (literally and figuratively) after that. Four years later came time for the wrap party on the latest show I’d been working on. I have a love/hate relationship with wrap parties. They’re sort-of like weddings. If you’re dating someone, great. If you’re not, it seems as though everyone else is dating someone and you’re the only one without a date. And you don’t want to bring the guy you’ve just gone out with a few times, lest he thinks you’re too into him and freaks out (I speak from experience). And you could bring a girl friend, but once you notice all the couples around, you really wish you had a guy with you, instead. Though not a guy friend people will mistake for your boyfriend. And you could go alone, but… loser-dom, right? (A friend of mine thinks weddings and wrap parties are great places to go to alone and meet new boyfriends. It sounds good, but…) So I did the next best thing and decided to bring my gay best friend, Tim. We got all dressed up and actually did have somewhere to go. Tim and I were having a great time flirting with guys together, being each other’s wingmen, when someone taps me on the shoulder. The guy, who has a beard and is very cute, looks familiar. He resembles Bryan, though I’d never seen Bryan with a beard before. He puts his hand on the small of my back and that old chemistry is back – I know it’s him. He starts talking to me, telling me how amazing I look, how it’s insane to be running into me… He is getting kissably close to me when I ask him whatever happened to his girlfriend (they had dated for years). “She’s great,” he says. “She’s right there.” He waves to her, still kissably close to me. She waves back, looking genuinely happy to see me. WTF? Their relationship is so weird, I think. The way he and I are talking looks everything but innocent. I then take a few steps back; I don’t want to be his affairee. In the meantime, Tim has wandered off to another part of the bar with a gay couple he’d been flirting with earlier. I tell Bryan I’d better find Tim when, all of the sudden, Janine, the girlfriend, is standing next to me, throwing her arms around me. “Ariel! It’s been so long! How have you been?” She will not let go of me. “Great,” I mutter as I try to slither away. Bryan’s arms around me is one thing, but his girlfriend’s? This was a bit much… But it doesn’t work; she will not stop hugging me. “What are you doing here?” she says. “I work on the show,” I answer. “No way! Me, too,” she says as I get a whiff of her Jack and coke breath. Maybe this is why she’s so touchy, I justify to myself. I start motioning to Tim to come save me, but he’s too busy standing between the two guys he’s with; each of them have an arm around him. He waves back, mistaking my smoke signals for fun ones. So I’m stuck. “Let me get you a drink,” Janine says. “I’m okay,” I say, but she doesn’t care as she goes to the bar. I turn to escape when Bryan is there, taking Janine’s place. Now, readers, he’s the kind of guy you can’t help but be attracted to. But now’s not the time, I think. I can’t like him this way right now. He puts his arms around me, pinning me to the wall. This is very hot, but… HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND. AND JUST A MERE TEN FEET AWAY. “Bryan,” I say. “You have a girlfriend.” “Obviously,” he says, as though I did not notice her all over me before. “But we have an open relationship.” “Bullshit,” I say. “Ask her,” he retorts. Even if they do, readers, I don’t want to be privy to it. Or be one of their victims. Besides, did he want to mess around with me, or did she? And if “she” is the answer, no thanks. I literally snake out of Bryan’s grasp to find Janine back, drink in hand. “Bottom’s up,” she says as she hands me the drink and starts downing hers (like she even needs it). She then drapes one arm around me, one around Bryan. Where the fuck am I? And where is Tim, to save me? I survey the room – and see him nowhere. Shit. By this point, I’m feeling a bit tipsy and afraid I will give in next time Bryan tries to kiss me, so I excuse myself, saying I reaaaaally have to go to the bathroom. It works. Janine says they’ll be “waiting for me” when I get back. I’ll bet. I go in the bathroom, pour my drink down the sink, and text Tim: “Where are you?” No response. I wait a good ten minutes, hoping Janine and Bryan will be gone by the time I get out… No such luck. They jump on me, literally, the moment I come out of the bathroom. “You took long enough,” Janine flirtily says as she starts to hug me again. I move away, finally believing Bryan about their “open” relationship. “You know, I really should find my friend,” I say and start to walk away. They corner me. “You know, Ariel, we both think you’re really hot.” Um… “And we’re moving back East in a few days, quitting the ‘biz…” And? “We want you to come home with us.” WTF? No. Call me old-fashioned, readers, but whaaaaat? Where did they get the idea that I wanted to come home with them? The rest of the night goes on like this: they buy me drink after drink, I go pour each one down the bathroom sink while texting Tim at the same time (multi-tasking at its finest), I come out, hiding behind clusters of girls, hoping they won’t see me, they always find me… In the meantime, the party clears out, so the poles and tables I keep hiding behind don’t prove to be good shelter for me anymore. And still no Tim. Finally, it’s last call. I am escaping down a stairwell to the parking garage – the fire escape, actually – when Janine finds me. Now what, I wonder. “This game of hard to get you’re playing is really something,” she says as she moves toward me. “You guys have the wrong idea,” I say. “We do this all the time,” she says back. “There’s nothing to be afraid of. I really want to tear those black boots off of you.” (Why, oh why, did I wear my favorite black knee-high boots, I wonder.) I keep inching back as she keeps moving forward; I really think she’s going to rape me. And, then, it happens… I inch backwards enough that I run right into the door – which just so happens to have the sign, “EMERGENCY EXIT ONLY – ALARM WILL SOUND” written on it. And, oh, does it sound. I bound down the steps, terrified that I almost got girl-raped and set off a fire alarm (isn’t that illegal?). I find my car (I walk, not run, as I don’t want to look suspicious) and call Tim. It rings and rings… until, finally, “Ariel, is that you?” “No, moron,” I say. “Yes, it’s me! We have to go! You won’t believe the night I’ve had. Where are you?” “You won’t, either,” he says. “I’m right by you – look three cars to your left. I’m in the black SUV.” Mother-fucker. He’s with the gay couple. Having a threesome. I’m hiding in my car, trying to avoid one.I pick Tim up and we speed away, laughing all the way. from then on, i only brought guys i was dating to wrap parties. Even if it freaked them out, it freaked me out less.
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