Greetings kind readers. Last week's column was a little bleak - I'll be the first to admit. It's hard not to feel dour when you're staring into the dragon's maw and it's breath reeks of stale Cheetos and human stagnation. But again we Temps must stay on the positive side of things! I'm actually off today (which means I'm not making any money - my temp work for the rest of the week will negate any unemployment benefits I would have received). I'm sitting in front of my own machine for a change, but it's back to work tomorrow. My cat is unusually needy - lots of leg-rubbing and noise. That usually means she's going to be sick on the carpet someplace, tonight, in the dark, where I'll step on it. Thinking about temping tomorrow I can relate.
If I'm lucky my girlfriend will step on it first and her high-pitched shriek of shock and despair will serve as a warning - I'll know where to step at least. And knowing when and where to "step" while temping is key to one's success/survival in this game.
This first rule of today's column might knock you for a bit of a loop, especially considering how some of the previous ones have described ways to avoid doing much of anything while temping. Trust me when I say - I have not sold out. Hell to the "no". The prevailing mentality of "less is more" work-wise ultimately still applies. I put this one down in the advent that you're actually temping at a place where you'd like to be hired on a permanent basis. It does happen. Unfortunately, in that case, you'll have to make a good impression. Rule #4 is also important to consider when you first start temping for a particular Temp Agency. You want to start off somewhat strong so that they keep hiring you for subsequent assignments. Once you establish a rep, you can slack off. So, that being said, it is with a certain amount of reluctance that I present you with:
Rule #5: Do a good job. Well of course you would anyway, but in this case your "best" can really go farther than you think. A lot of assistants you'll be filling in for have been doing that particular job for awhile. What does that mean? They've become lazy and complacent. Such is the phenomenon that occurs when people are secure in their livelihood. Sure they do what's required of them - answer phones, schedule lunches, deflect the repeated calls of a nagging spouse – but they get lazy about it. Just like you will when you get a permanent job. Par for the course and par for human nature. Now doing this is much simpler than you would think, and requires very little if any effort. Remember - chances are the folks you're working for think you're a retard anyway (see Column 2) - the bar is pretty. All that is required of you is to do what is asked of you. Only, do it faster!
Example: If my temp boss comes over and asks me to make a copy, I do it immediately and make sure that he/she knows that it was immediately taken care of. The same strategy applies to everything you'll be asked to do while on a stranger's desk. Having had the same assistant for such a long time executives have generally lost touch with the mechanics involved with getting anything on the administrative level accomplished. Some older guys are hesitant to ask you for anything (especially if you're a guy), while some older women will avoid asking you entirely (lest you fuck it up). Right on, all well and good, more time for you to job-search and surf, etc. However, when they do make a request you take care of it immediately – even if it means logging off of Facebook or re-visiting TMZ later in the day. This will pay off in the long-run and apply to the success of the future rules. * But....
Caveat #1: There is a problem with being too good. Think of the whole "don't cast your pearls before swine" notion. Granted, in this town, if you're worth anything (and your Mother's opinion of you doesn't count) you spend most of your time throwing your pearls at a bunch of assholes. Thus it's very important that you guage the environment you're in before you show your true colors.
Caveat #2: If you reveal yourself to be capable, you're going to bring unwanted attention to yourself. There is a type in most offices we'll call "Miss Pleader". It has a Bloodhound-like ability to sniff out anyone lower on the Caste System (see Column 2) then it is. I say "Miss" but the species acts irregardless of gender, though I do find that such personalities often wear glass and are diminutive in stature. Miss Pleader will faux-sheepishly approach you and ask: "Does she/he have you working on anything right now?". Be sure to check whether or not they have a stack of paper in their hands when they say that phrase. Their request could be presented as obvious shit-work "Would you" This expression is the siren f'ing call of a Miss Pleader - it means they want to pass their shit-work on to you. Or it could be insidious, like the copier guy telling you "And before you leave, at the end of the day, make sure the dishwasher gets run." Stop. Mentally Drop. And think about it for a sec. Who is this guy to tell you to clean up? You're a temp...you were hired to answer phones...to fill in for an absent assistant...to print out emails and feign interest...BAM! You're being passed shit-work! If you hear the siren call of Miss Pleader, if you're asked if you're "working on anything" - say "Yes I am actually" (and adopt one of the postures mentioned in Column 2). Again: Act like: "sure would be nice to help you out right now, but I'm trying hard to figure this out. And I'm just a temp." As far as dealing with the copier guy style of bullshit - just don't do it. DON"T DO IT. Copier guy is in charge of it - if it's not done, he's the one who's going to get in trouble and he knows it. But if you do it once, if the siren song seduces you, you're fucked - you'll be expected to do it from then on. And Miss Pleader doesn't sign your paycheck.
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