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Chapter 7: Temp Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself! |
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Written by Brandon Weatherly
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I'm going to refer to her from the onset as FAT VEGETARIAN. She was one of those people who feel the need to constantly express the fact that they're dieting, working out, fasting, etc, in what will ultimately be a failed attempt to lose weight. You know the type. She claimed she wanted "to lose 30 lbs". I know the exact number because I heard her say it so much. Sitting in a windowless cubicle while temping at a studio - she was my only neighbor.
This place provides snacks and things for their employees: chips, cookies, and caffeine in its various forms. Fat Vegetarian seemed to think that an obvious reading of the caloric info on each of the snacks would burn calories. After the thousandth time - don't you know how bad Cheetos are for you? Yet she claimed to be a vegetarian who hadn't eaten meat in 14 years. If you're reading this and you're a vegetarian - congrats, good for you, Sir Paul McCartney, etc. If you're reading this and you're a fat vegetarian - consider what your diet is or isn't doing for you.
Down the hall was DR DREW's office. The way the office was set up, my back was to him (which I fucking hate). I'm not the type who looks at porn at work or anything, but temping is boring and you do need to pass the time. It's not like I'm seeking out videos in which women in high heels are stomping on cockroaches or anything. But I do have a fondness for celebrity gossip, kitty cats, and people getting owned. Dr. Drew had this tendency to walk up behind me whenever I was in the throes of a viral vid. Just like the Dr.Drew of Loveline or that rehab show, his eyes were glazed and dead behind his glasses. A true Automaton dear reader - like an insect he fulfills a purpose. He was one of those fragile exec types who was always concerned that I had dropped a call. Granted, he may have been right, but I was too busy watching Mentos dropped into 2-liter Cokes by guys in white lab coats to be too concerned with who was calling and who wasn't. Rest assured - Dr. Drew got all of his calls and I made sure to throw Fat Vegetarian some treats (Fritos mostly).
It all works out.
Here's my point - it's important to maintain contact. With actual human beings. You do have a choice. Are these the people who will help propel you into the league of execs, a permanent job, or are they simply assholes? I say: IDENTIFY AND ACT ACCORDINGLY! Here we go:
Rule #8: Introduce yourself to everybody - who cares if they give you that Hwood "too cool for school" attitude. At least they'll know who you are and you'll have a better chance of connecting the face to the name and vice versa in the future. Plus it's a great exercise for your confidence.
Rule #9: Eat lunch with other people. Don't sit alone reading or feeling sorry for yourself. Temping means you're always the "new guy/gal". There's this Groundhog Day effect of re-living your first day of work over and over again. There's also the distinct sense that you're not a part of the "in crowd". Don't let it isolate you - fuck that. Make it a point to pal up with other assistants and bond. You'll make contacts and elevate your visibility.
Rule #10: Get a recommendation. When you finish temping for someone ask them or the HR person at the company to drop the temp agency you used a line saying that you were great. A lot of agencies have lists and have used certain people for a long time (and thus have them at the top of their list) - a recommendation could help you move up in line a bit.
That's all for this week. Stick around - there's some good stuff coming up!
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