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As a nominee, Famous Actress gets two tickets to the Awards Show. One for her, and one for her date. As the Substitute Publicist, I figure that I’ve got Famous Actress covered and her Date covered. So I need to get one for Asshole Midget because I know he likes to go with her and sit with her. I don’t begrudge him that; I would be the same way. So I pull some strings with trust studio publicist Pam O’Leary and she manages to get a third ticket right next to Famous Actress and Date. Phew, I’m good to go!
Asshole Midget finds out from 2nd Assistant “not to worry” because I have come through with the third ticket. NO! I want to scream. I know that 2nd Assistant is trying to point out to Asshole Midget that I am good at what I do, but I know Asshole M better. Don’t try to get extra kudos, just try to avoid the potholes. So I get yelled at because I didn’t “ask for” three tickets in the first place and if there was a problem getting a third ticket I should have made him aware of it. “But there wasn’t a problem. I got the third ticket.” He glares at me and says my name in that warning voice. He missed being the hero. Well he would have another chance to be. At the last minute Famous Actress’s Very Best Friend comes into town for the awards show. Famous Actress asks me, “Can you get a third ticket so that both date and Very Best Friend can sit at the table? Or is that too much trouble?” Too much trouble! No! Nothing is too much trouble for the office of Asshole Midget and trusty assistant. (And I don’t mean that sarcastically. We both took pride in being able to get anything done.) So I think to myself, ok, I just have to get Asshole Midget another ticket. I know he wants to sit at her table, but unfortunately at this late date, that just isn’t possible. But I think I can get him a ticket to a table with other Company colleagues. I know he isn’t going to be thrilled, but it’s the best I can do, and the main objective here is to make sure that Famous Actress is happy right? Apparently that is not right. I don’t try to take on this endeavor myself. I tell Asshole Midget the problem. But he doesn’t seem to think it is a problem. “She has three tickets. One for her, one for me, and Very Best Friend can take the third ticket.” “Well what about Date?” “I AM FAMOUS ACTRESS’S OTHER TICKET. DATE IS LUCKY TO BE GOING AT ALL.” What do I do? Who do I put where? I’m fucked. And there is NO WAY that I am going to tell Famous Actress what is going on. But Asshole Midget doesn’t seem to have any problems telling her. He really believes that he is right. In the end, Famous Actress tells Very Best Friend that the studio has a viewing room in the hotel and she will join him right after the award is announced. Very best Friend is pissed. He simply cannot believe that he flew all this way for her awards show and the Asshole Midget is not letting him sit at the table. I don’t know what Famous Actress thought. She didn’t share it with me, and I certainly did not want to ask. But she did come into the viewing room the second she won her award. She and Date both did. Leaving Asshole Midget alone at the table.
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