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By now, by reading this blog regularly (you’d better be, anyway), you know that every TV show is different -- some recognize writers’ assistants as the hardworking glorified typists we are… others barely acknowledge that we’re in the room and gasp if we so much as sneeze. So when it comes to pitching in a field full of pros, what’s a wannabe player to do? It is baseball season, after all, and we don’t want to stay in the dugout forever.
First of all, it depends on the room. If you’re in a “thou shall not speak” sort of room, good luck (sorry). To remedy this, try to silently pitch to your favorite writer or two in the room, or more vocally during a break out of the room. Then, he or she could pinch hit pitch for you (or not, if they don’t think it’ll get you a run). Practice does makes perfect. If you are in a room that is the opposite, exciting as it may be, do not pitch every chance you get. In researching this piece, several CO-EPs told me that the quickest way for new, burgeoning staff writers (or future staff writers) to get fired is by them talking non-stop, rather than picking and choosing when to speak. In fact, they said back when they were staff writers, they’d be lucky if they were even allowed to step into the writers’ room, let alone say anything. Staff writers should be nearly silent, they said, to show respect for their older, wiser elders (you know -- anyone without “staff writer” in their title). These are the pros; they have played for years and, thus, earned the right to pitch to their heart’s content. When I asked them about WAs, they said the same thing they did about staff writers, but suggested that WAs be even more silent. “Silence is golden,” they said. Conversely, I know there are exceptions to every rule, such as rooms that encourage speaking over silence. And I know that in an effort to be promoted, WAs may think they’d better pitch a lot and show the team that they know the game vs. sit there in silence and look like they don’t. But, oftentimes, what gets WAs into trouble is when they pitch and don’t know the game, the aforementioned writers said. “You should only pitch when you know it’s good and you can hit it out of the park,” according to my “To Pitch or Not to Pitch” sources. Now, I know what you may be thinking – it’s an intimidating field out there, full of pro ball players… How do you even get the courage to pitch when you’ve barely finished the minors? After all, you’re still waiting to be drafted... Try the above, pitching to one or two of your favorite writers while on the bench. Once you get comfortable with that, you’ll probably be ready to pitch in a small room of writers (like on those days when the writers split into a couple of rooms). And, eventually, you’ll be confident enough to pitch in the big room (in front of the whole team). No matter what kind of room you’re in, I know many a WA that got a freelance and/or were staffed and never opened their mouths. I mentioned this to the pro ball players above. They said, first and foremost, they read samples and like a writer for their writing, but then fall in love with them based on their personality, not recounting how many times they spoke in the room. “It really is quality over quantity,” they said. So keep on going to the batting cages, practice hitting, get a pinch hit pitcher, and then go pitch a few balls on your own. And remember that just because you can pitch, doesn’t mean you have to every waking second. Because wouldn’t you rather do what the pros above suggested? Pitch hits instead of balls? Make a few hits, get on base, maybe get a grand slam, vs. swinging a lot, missing the ball, and having to walk?... I thought so. Questions? Suggestions? Comments?
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