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Writers need to write. I have a tendency to get bogged down in administrative tasks, and then I forget why I’m here. And that’s not true of just this website, it’s true of my “real life” as well. Somehow I manage to get myself into - Ok I just did it. I was right in the middle of a sentence and then remembered that I wanted to send an email to the site writers. Why? Why do I do this? My intention was to be a writer. Actually, that’s not true. I didn’t know what I was going to be, and actually fell into writing. I became one of those people that I hate. “I fell into this great job!” Yeah? Fuck you. I digress. (Again.)
No job is great, and unfortunately I manage to find the not-great parts of them and become the manager of that department. How does this happen to me? People tell me it’s because I’m so smart and capable, but I think it has more to do with my just having half a brain and a willingness to be the sucker. …and I just did it again. Went to update my Netflix queue. Maybe this has less to do with my being a sucker bogged down by administrative crap and more to do with the fact that I, like most writers, will come up with any excuse to not write. All my What Should I Do With My Life? Books (yes, I’ve read Po Bronson’s) want me to think about what leaves me feeling invigorated. I ponder this and think, “Writing leaves me drained.” Or does it? I write copy for celebrity websites, and whenever I’m editing something a client wrote in order to make it clear and grammar-perfect, I finish with a sense of accomplishment. Maybe it’s because I feel like I’m helping someone? Maybe it’s because I didn’t have to actually think of the words and ideas, but merely fix what was already there? And if that’s the case, does this mean that I’m not a writer, but an editor? Do I want to be an editor? That doesn’t sound like very much fun. That sounds administrative and vaguely tyrannical. Is there a happy medium I can find here? Wait. That’s what I’ve already done. I balance writing and editing for a living. In which case I must be doing something right, and I need to stop writing about the fact that I don’t write.
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